Is My Teen Overweight?

Childhood obesity is now the Number One health concern among parents in the United States, topping drug abuse and smoking. And for good reason – 1 out of every 3 kids is now overweight or obese – that is 30%! And although many parents are afraid to talk to their kids about weight issues for fear that their child will develop an eating disorder, the prevalence of eating disorders is only 0.3%. 

The former Surgeon General Richard Carmona said, “Because of the increasing rates of obesity, unhealthy eating habits and physical inactivity, we may see the first generation that will be less healthy and have a shorter life expectancy than their parents.”

It’s time to talk.

First, how do you know if your child is overweight? Overweight is defined differently for children and teens than it is for adults. Children are still growing and boys and girls mature at different rates. Without asking your pediatrician, you may have to rely on what “looks” normal – and that can be deceiving. A recent study showed that 40% of parents of a group of overweight kids thought that their child’s weight was in the normal range. Think you can find some information online? Most online articles these days will tell you that your child is overweight if their BMI-for-age is between the 85th and 95th percentile and obese if their BMI-for-age percentile is above 95. What??? How clear is that if you don’t have a medical degree? Luckily, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention have included a BMI Percentile Calculator for Children and Teens on their website that takes out the guess work. Measure your child’s height and weight and know for sure if their weight is in the healthy range.

Click Here for BMI Calculator

So now what do you do?

Anne Fletcher, author of 10 Things Teens Wished Their Parents Knew about Weight Loss interviewed teens who lost and kept weight off for over a year and offered the following:

“Don’t tell me my weight is okay.” If your teen is overweight and she says she wants to slim down, listen to his concerns and offer to find some solutions. Don’t minimize the problem.

“Get off my back.” Don’t nag, preach, criticize or try to coerce your teen into losing; talk to her like a friend, not a disciplinarian. Getting upset with her every time you have to buy the next-larger-size clothes; telling her what she couldn’t order when you go out to dinner; reminding her dhe is overweight is unproductive. Nagging and pressure can too easily backfire. Pressure to lose weight from outside forces, like parents, coaches, and health teachers, can lead to more guilt which can make a teen eat even more.

“Let ME be in charge.” It’s up to the teen to decide if, how, and when she wants to lose. Pushing teens to lose weight before they’re ready to make a commitment to change their eating and exercise habits can set them up for failure, bruise their self-esteem, and discourage future weight loss attempts. One teen told her, “All the things that you taught me about losing weight were the things I ended up using when I finally did it. But it was a matter of maturity and being ready.”

“Don’t be a food cop.” Comments like “Are you hungry AGAIN?” and “You don’t need that bowl of ice cream!” will backfire. Rex G. said that his parents used to try to control the amount of food he ate during meals by saying, “You’re done; you’ve had enough.” This only made Rex eat faster so that he could get more food in before the “cutoff” and led him to sneak food whenever he could get away with it.

“Be there when I’m ready. Be a role model.” Support your teen’s choices and praise her efforts: help her find affordable ways to exercise or a program she’d like to attend. Be a role model for healthy eating and exercise. Some teens said that their parents’ example set the stage for them. Rebecca M’s Dad started losing weight before his daughter did: “I never talked to my daughter about weight and never tried to impose any approach. On her own she decided to lose weight, and changed her eating habits just as I had done. I helped her by indicating how she could make better food choices. There was nothing in particular that I did to support her other than to let her know that I could tell that she was losing weight and that she was doing a good job on her new ‘food program.”

“Help me out, don’t single me out.” Create a healthy home food climate – for the entire family, not just the overweight teen. Provide kids with healthy, appealing food choices without making them feel deprived. Aaron T. says, “Don’t make overweight kids feel singled out at the dinner table, like by having meals that are different from everyone else’s. Use your child as an opportunity for the whole family to eat better.” Kirsten says that her Mom’s efforts to stock healthy foods and eliminate junk have taken the pressure off. “If tempting foods are around,” she says, “you feel like your family’s not supporting your ambitions. When you’re home, you want to relax and not have to worry about being tempted.”

“Love me no matter what.” Let your teen know she’s loved whatever her weight is and whether or not she succeeds at slimming down. Richie C’s mother advises, ‘Don’t criticize children who are overweight – they get enough rejection in the outside world. Let them know they are loved and accepted at home.” On the other hand, parents shouldn’t completely abandon ship either. Eric D’s mother says, “Giving up on trying to help Eric with his weight loss when he was content with the computer and movies on TV wasn’t the solution either.”

“Be patient.” Understand that losing weight takes time, effort, patience, and often multiple attempts. Staying positive and affirming success is crucial for many teens to avoid the sense that they’ve “ruined it” and might as well eat that second or third donut. Even if they gain back part or all of the weight they’ve lost, remind them that they did it once and can do it again. Jeana S says, “Changing your body isn’t easy. It’s a lot like a roller coaster: as long as your coaster is going down more than up, you’ll eventually get to where you want to be.”

“Help me be realistic.” After losing weight, your teen may not be “thin,” but she’ll be healthier and happier. Here are some ideas that teens themselves have suggested they’d say to other young people who are at a healthy weight but not at their “dream weight.” “Focus on your assets; not your flaws. “Surround yourself with positive people.” “Recognize how far you’ve come.” “Think about other attractive people who aren’t perfect.” “Accept that life isn’t always fair and try to make the best of things.”

“Believe in me.” Send the message that you know your teen can succeed and that you’ll be there if she needs you. Emily B, a formerly overweight teen, advises parents, “Be supportive of their choices. And if they mess up, don’t get angry. Help them learn how to handle it next time. Make sure to talk to teens about what they’re going through because it’s hard, and parents are easier to talk to about weight than friends are most of the time”.

What if everything you suggest does not seem to be working?

If making these changes at home does not seem to be helping, you can talk to your child’s doctor about a formal weight management program that can address the special needs of teenagers and help kids motivate, build confidence, and create new lifestyle habits. A weight-control program should have the overriding goal of helping the whole family make and maintain healthy changes in their eating and activity habits. They should perform a medical evaluation of your child—including weight, growth, and health—before starting the program, and at regular intervals throughout the program. It should be developmentally appropriate for the age and capabilities of your child. As they focus on behavior changes, they teach your child how to choose a healthy variety of foods and the right size portion. They will encourage daily physical activity, include a maintenance program and other support and referrals and most importantly, focus on your whole family—not just your overweight child.